Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
