Betty ford says i'm here all night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
