cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
