The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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