How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
