Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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