You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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