yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
