So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
