Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
