WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
