i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
