Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
