I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
