dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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