then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
