Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
