No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
