I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
