Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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