Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
