I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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