I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
