How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
