the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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