I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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