You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
