I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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