Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
