Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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