i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
