I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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