I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
