you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
