glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
