just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
