At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
