I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
