I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
