Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
