I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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