I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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