I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
