So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
