i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
