is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You pole danced in your parka.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
