im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
