last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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