Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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