I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Even my vagina gasped.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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