Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
