I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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