You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
