You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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