worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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