Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
